*menepuk pundakmu*

Malam ini, 19 Maret 2014, aku termenung sendiri. Di tengah-tengah rentetan tugas, ujian, pleno, diskusi yang menerpa kehidupanku kini, ternyata fakultas tempatku berada masih memberikan kelonggaran waktu untukku. Ya, sekedar untuk bernapas sejenak, melewati hari tanpa deadline yang mengejar.
Mungkin prolog tadi sedikit menggambarkan betapa hidupku kini mulai berubah. Menemui titik balik kembali untuk kedua kalinya. Entah apa yang harus aku rasakan. Mungkin 3/4 hampa.
Baiklah, lagi pula bukan itu yang ingin aku ceritakan saat ini.. Cerita sebenarnya dimulai saat aku sedang menjelajahi halaman browser mozilla firefox di laptopku...
Membuka salah satu media sosial yang aku rasa paling dapat menggambarkan tingkat ke-update-an seseorang. Tak ada notif apapun. Tak ada follower ataupun direct message yang baru. Sempat terpikir untuk langsung menutup halaman tersebut, namun tiba-tiba terlihat di depan mataku berbagai macam status update milik si following itu. Tapii... setelah aku scroll atas-bawah-bawah sekali-tengah-hingga atas lagi, kenapa semuanya begitu asing? Benarkah ini orang-orang yang aku rasa aku ingin mengetahui kehidupannya sehingga aku memfollownya?
Ternyata bukan. Bukan mereka orang-orang yang memiliki peran utama dalam pikiranku sebagai penarik rasa keingintahuanku. Lalu kuletakkan cursor pada kolom search..dan mulailah aku mengetik nama-nama yang sangat ingin ku ketahui alur hidupnya saat ini.. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ... dst.. ternyata banyak orang yang ingin aku awasi selama ini. INGIN, tapi tak bisa.
Barulah sekarang..di saat senggang menghampiri sejenak, aku bisa memuaskan rasa rinduku pada mereka. Ya, mereka yang memang patut untuk kurindukan jika melihat perjalanan hidupku hingga sekarang ini.
Rindu.. datang jika sebelumnya pernah bersama, pernah melewati hari dengan kesan tertentu, pernah saling menyayangi dan peduli satu sama lain. Rindu? Mungkin cukup menggambarkan perasaanku kini pada mereka. Bukan karena salah mereka. Tapi aku! Kemana saja aku selama ini.. Kemana saja aku, baru mengucapkan salam.. Kemana saja aku, baru menepuk pundakmu.
Maafkan aku. Hm, lega rasanya sudah mengucapkan kata itu.
Tapi ternyata harus kuucapkan sekali lagi untuk permohonan terhadap pemaknaan yang kontradiksi dari pernyataan pertama.. Maafkan aku, sungguh maafkan aku.

"Aku tak peduli jika kalian tidak mempedulikanku. Tapi aku sangat marah ketika aku mengabaikan kalian. Aku tidak takut jika harus sendiri. Namun aku takut jika kalian merasa sendiri. Aku tertatih berusaha untuk mempertahankan posisiku saat ini, karena aku harus memiliki batu loncatan untuk selalu bisa menjaga kalian. Tapi.. maaf.. bodohnya itu hanya terjadi di pikiranku, di harapanku, masih pseudo, masih halus. Nyatanya sangat sulit untuk mencapai bentuk eu.. Mungkin nanti, atau mungkin (lagi-lagi) lewat doa. Hal yang zahirnya tampak sangat kecil, namun aku tahu dan meyakini bahwa semua efek masif terjadi karena ada pengaruh darinya. Jadi kuharap, aku masih bisa menggandengmu, merangkul pundakmu, menjagamu, untuk tetap menjadi yang aku tau itu baik. Melihatmu dari kejauhan bahkan hanya melalui transmisi adalah keahlianku kini. Tapi aku harap, paling tidak aku tau bagaimana hidupmu kni, dan hal yang dibilang kecil tadi akan dapat berpengaruh terhadap meningkatnya kualitas hidupmu. Semoga. Baarakallahufikum."

Kini, 20-3-14
M.S.

Personality Test.. uhmm.. :/

Assalamu'alaykum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh.
Haii.. ciee kan ketemu aku lagi. Pasti kangen kan?? :3

Yaudah deh. Cuma mampir sebentar untuk mosting ini. Rasanya sesuatu banget nemuin ini di Home "MukaBuku".
Jadi ceritanya gambar pohon2 munyu minyi itu menggambarkan bagaimana kepribadian kita. yaa, seru2an aja sih. nah, tebak aku pilih pohon yang mana? yaapp. my favorite number. 1!

So, this is it!
The results . . .
1. You are a generous and moral (not to confuse with moralizing) person. You always work on self-improvement. You are very ambitious and have very high standards. People might think that communicating with you is difficult, but for you, it isn't easy to be who you are. You work very hard but you are not in the least selfish. You work because you want to improve the world. You have a great capacity to love people until they hurt you. But even after they do. . . you keep loving. Very few people can appreciate everything you do as well as you deserve.

2. You are a fun, honest person. You are very responsible and like taking care of others. You believe in putting in an honest day's work and accept many work-related responsibilities. You have a very good personality and people come to trust you easily. You are bright, witty and fast-thinking. You always have an interesting story to tell.

3.You are a smart and thoughtful person. You are a great thinker. Your thoughts and ideas are the most important. You like to think about your theories and views alone. You are an introvert. You get along with those who likes to think and learn. You spend a lot of time, thinking about morality. You are trying to do what is right, even if the majority of society does not agree with you.

4. You are perceptive and philosophical person. You are a unique, one soul of your kind. Next to you there's no one even slightly similar to you. You are intuitive and a bit quirky. You are often misunderstood, and it hurts you. You need personal space. Your creativity needs to be developed, it requires respect of others. You are a person who clearly sees the light and dark sides of life. You are very emotional.

5. You are self-assured and in charge. You are very independent. Your guiding principle in life is 'I'll do it my way.'. You are very self-reliant and know how to stay strong for yourself and the people you Love. You know exactly what you want and are not afraid of pursuing your dreams. The only thing you demand from people is honesty. You are strong enough to accept the truth.

6. You are kind and sensitive. People relate to you very well. You have many friends and you love helping them. You have this warm and bright aura that makes people feel good when they are around you. Every day, you think about what you can do to improve yourself. You want to be interesting, insightful and unique. More than anybody else in the world, you need to love. You are even ready to love those who don't love you back.

7. You are happy and unflappable. You are a very sensitive and understanding person. You are a great listener who know how to be non-judgmental. You believe that everybody has their own journey in life. You are open to new people and events. You are highly resistant to stress and rarely worry. Normally, you are very relaxed. You always manage to have a good time and never lose your way.

8. You are charming and energetic. You are a fun person who knows how to make people laugh. You live in a state of harmony with the universe. You are spontaneous and enthusiastic. You never say no to an adventure. Often, you end up surprising and even shocking people. But that's just how you are. . . You always remain true to yourself. You have many interests and if something proves of interest to you, you will not rest until you acquire a profound knowledge of this area.

9. You are optimistic and lucky. You believe that life is a gift and you try to achieve as much as possible and put this gift to the best use possible. You are very proud of your achievements. You are ready to stick by the people you care about through thick and thin. You have a very healthy approach to life. The glass is (at least) half full for you. 


Okedeh. Ada yang perlu banget digarisbawahi nih..
"You have a great capacity to love people until they hurt you. But even after they do. . . you keep loving."

ini tuhhh.. fufufufu.

Sekian..

18-1-14
M.S.